


What is updog?

by garnetsgauntlets



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 03:39:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9581549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garnetsgauntlets/pseuds/garnetsgauntlets
Summary: I gave Pearl and Amethyst human characteristics (hence the tag) because it aligned with the story so I'm sorry it's not 100% canonical...Light kissing, it aint smut getcha head out the gutter son. It's honestly terribley written and I'll probably rewrite it but whatevaWhat's that? You want an explanation? Here you goI was watching a JennaMarbles video and her boyfriend goes "Hey Jenna, what breed of dog does the best magic tricks" and Jenna goes "what" and Julien goes "a labracadabrador" and at first i thought of Now You See Me because Jesse Eisenburg is the man the myth and also the legend but then for some reason I thought hey. wouldn't that be funny if Amethyst said that to Pearl and Pearl said "what is that" and then it spirals into "what is updog" and Amethyst is a trolly lil bean and then this happened.There you go there's your explanation get out me caa' broom broomif you dont like it you can drink yo' hate-orade and once you're done ask the bartender for more 'cause i wont stop broom broomenjoy.





	

Pearl was sat delicately on the sofa in the living room, and it was wonderfully quiet. It was never quiet at home anymore; between Connie and Steven training, or the two arguing about something, or Garnet and Steven giggling about some cartoon show, or Pearl and Garnet discussing HomeWorld, or Amethyst... being Amethyst, it was never quiet anymore. All Pearl wanted to do was read her Earth Novel.  
This particular novel was especially fun for Pearl to read. It was about a man who became stranded on the planet Mars and needed to figure a way to get home. Pearl scoffed every few pages at the mans profanity, and honestly, stupidity. Mars is not this evil and unforgiving, she thought, licking her thumb and turning a page. Pearl liked to use her gem to project the things that were happening in the book, or how she imagined the events were happening at least. She shifted her position on the sofa so that she could stretch out her legs, and, resting the novel down on her lap for a moment, closed the hologram so that she could just think. Pearl had never been to Mars, but she had flown past it many times. It was a bright red planet with intense winds and weather changes. She looked up at the ceiling and breathed deeply, and wondered if perhaps Mars would be an interesting place to start a colony.  
There was a sudden "shhh" noise as the Gems' door opened, and Pearl quickly brought the book back up to her nose. She flitted her eyes over to the door to see Amethyst saunter out, in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. Pearl never understood why Amethyst enjoyed changing her outfit so much when her usually attire was so well equipped for the unexpected. Although...the sweatpants Amethyst was wearing seemed to hug her in all the right places, and...Pearl blinked. Perhaps she should obtain a pair of these sweatpants, as well.  
Pearl cleared her throat rather loudly and plopped her book down onto the table, mentally noting what page she ended on. Amethyst flipped her hair over her shoulder as she opened the refrigerator door. 

"'Sup, P?" Amethyst asked casually. She took out meat and cheese for a sandwich, grabbing a loaf of bread from the breadbox and piling the ingredients on the counter.  
"What have you been up to, Amethyst? I haven't seen you all day. Not that I've minded the quiet or anything..." Pearl replied, swinging her legs over the sofa and standing up. She stretched, and multiple cracks could be heard. Pearl walked over to the counter and took a seat on one of the stools.  
"I've been sorting through my garbage piles. I have a pile for TV's, a pile for shoes, a pile for socks that I can't find a match for, a pile of matches, a pile of jokes-OH!" Amethyst slapped her hand on the counter, startling Pearl. "I have a joke to tell you!"  
"Okay, what is it?" Pearl said, resting her elbows on the counter.  
Amethyst cut the bread in half and started to stuff meat and cheese in between the slices. "What breed of dog does the best magic tricks?"  
Pearl's brow furrowed as she genuinely attempted to answer Amethyst's question. After roughly five minutes of thinking, and Amethyst taking two very large bites of her sandwich, Pearl finally replied, "I don't know. What breed of dog is the most magically inclined?"  
Amethyst swallowed, and a huge smile spread across her face.  
"A labracadabrador."  
There was about three second of awkward silence, and then suddenly Amethyst burst out laughing. Pearl smiled sheepishly, not understanding at first. Then she remembered that said breed of dog does not actually exist, but rather it was a play on the breed 'labrador'. Pearl chuckled, and said "That was a good one Amethyst. I didn't quite get it at first."  
Amethyst finished her sandwich and nodded. "I could tell, P, by the look on your face. You looked like I just dissed your favorite book." She kept laughing in that cute way where she had to support herself on something, like her knee, or a table, or sometimes Pearl.  
'Wait...Did i just call Amethyst cute?', Pearl thought to herself, forcing herself to smile. 'Shake it off, Pearl.'  
"Oh man P, labradors are just the cutest breed of dog." Amethyst was now cleaning off the counter, putting away the food and washing the plate. "But you know what breed is cuter?" Pearl shook her head. She preferred cats over dogs, just because they were less of a hassle.

"Updog."

Pearl frowned. She had never heard of an "Updog" before. She raked her brain, trying to recall if such a dog even exists, or if this was another one of Amethysts jokes.  
"I've never heard of such a breed before." Pearl said, leaning back in the stool slightly and crossing her arms. Amethyst looked over her shoulder at Pearl and said, "Updog? That's because it isn't a breed." Pearl laughed. "But you just said that it was a cuter breed than a labrador." Pearl could feel Amethyst smirking, even though she could only see her purple ponytail, and her cute butt in those sweat-there she goes again, referring to Amethyst as cute. What is going on lately?  
"Well no, obviously it isn't a breed. I must have just slipped, is all. It's a thing that looks like a dog. Y'know, Updog."  
Pearl squinted at the back of Amethyst's head as she grabbed a towel to dry her hands off. "I don't know what you're talking about", Pearl said as Amethyst turned around to face Pearl. "It's Updog, P."

"Amethyst, if it isn't a bread, then was is updog?"

Pearl immediately realized what she had done, and smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand.

"Not much, what's up with you!" Amethyst cried, smacking both hands on the counter this time and laughing so loud, Pearl was sure all of Beach City could hear her. Pearl rolled her eyes, and half-heartedly laughed. She hated being roped into Amethyst's stupid jokes...but she did like it when Amethyst laughed like this. Her lips had a very nice curve to them and her eyes seem to water just a little, as if she might cry. "All right, Amethyst, that was a good one." Pearl said, trying to get the smaller gem to stop laughing so much at her. Amethyst could barely catch her breath to choke out, "But P, that...that was priceless, oh man-"

Pearl felt herself stand up and lean towards Amethyst, barely realizing what she was doing, and lifted one hand to grab her cheek. Pulling Amethyst's face to hers, Pearl closed her eyes and pressed her lips to Amethyst's. The laughs instantly were smothered, and silence once again blanketed the room. Pearl could feel Amethyst's eyes burning into hers, although they were closed. Eventually, Amethyst melted a little, kissing Pearl back. But Pearl pulled away. The two gems stared at each other for a long time, Pearl's hand still on Amethyst's cheek, faces so close together their noses were almost touching. "Is that what happens when I tell a terrible joke?" Amethyst whispered. Pearl blushed and smiled a little, saying "No, I guess it's what happens when you laugh at me and I want you to stop." "Then maybe I should make you say stupid things a little more..." Amethyst said, climbing onto the counter and kissing Pearl again. Pearl kissed back, both a smile and Amethyst's lips on hers making her blush even stronger. Amethyst was the one to pull away this time. "Hey, P. Knock knock." "Amethyst-?" "Knock. Knock." Pearl sighed. "Who's there." "Old lady." "Old lady who, Amethyst where is this one going-" "I didn't know you could yodel, Pearl." The purple gem smiled, and before she could start laughing again, Pearl kissed her, a little rougher this time.

"Oh, shut up."


End file.
